June 29, 2004
lurking
From an old blog.Everyday, I look forward to getting inside a local writers e-group. What’s for today? Would somebody be advised on how to write or be urged to just write on? Would there be another hot discussion on topics such as abortion, election, globalization? Would I know other authors whom I haven’t heard yet? I wonder if there would be another scheduled trip to the Kinabuhayan Café.
I have been in this group for around four or five months now and I haven’t spoken a single word yet. Pathetic, yes. It is called “lurking” - a word that I also learned from the group.
What could be an apt image of the word? It can’t be an ant trekking a wall, for an ant's wandering has a purpose – to gather food for its colony. It can’t be a mosquito, for a mosquito spares no one of its language:noise. It can’t even be a hawk flying above in circles, for it’s actually aiming for its prey. Perhaps, lurking is more like being quiet in a loud party and completely missing the point.
When can I shed off this trepidation and push myself to finally throw that precious first message? It could only be a simple inquiry or a reaction – I don’t know. I have so much to know and discover; yet, it seems wrong to ask. I may have something to contribute on issues being talked about, however, my spontaniety's frozen.
A group member who opens and closes posts with “lurking mode off” and “ lurking mode on” may have a different view about lurking and disagree with me completely. To some, lurking could be a choice or in fact, the norm.
I am coming, of course, from a different plane. They say the virtual world makes us all equals. But the fact remains that all of us are living completely different lives, have varied education and schools attended to, may own (the latest) computers or not, may be able to buy books from Amazon or not, may just lounge around and not get hungry or work like a dog to live. I am silent because I can't get through intimidation.
Getting inside the virtual world or just being in anything you want to be could be like swimming. You can’t remain with just feeling the waters with your feet forever. You have to plunge in. Relax and you’ll float; panic and you’ll sink. But then, this is dealing with it after getting there. The problem is how to de-lurk and get there.
Have courage, will plummet. 1/20/2004
eyed at 7:25 PM