May 01, 2005
Rainless
I am on a dry spell for sometime now. When I’m like this, it’s usually because I haven’t finished some things that I need to get done. Boring office work has been getting in the way of doing personal stuff and tiring me off like a dead jacket on the floor. I have been thinking about these unfinished matters days in and out. There’s my term paper which I have yet to finalize so I can provide copies to my interviewees who I also promised some materials and a dinner (having submitted a so-so version of the term paper added up to my frustrations), several unsent draft job and training applications in a diskette, ideas just nesting in my mind, letters to special ones unwritten, ad infinitum.Things don’t have to be linear but I usually look at them as such. The pressure of finishing things one by one, in an invisible line, usually speeds me up. And so when pressure didn’t work (I wonder when does pressure become no longer a pressure and when it’s not, does it assume another name?) then I'm stuck. The way out is only by pushing my self to get things done or else, they would all pile up and bury me in this idle ground.
I’m being too melodramatic. It must be the debilitating heat these past few months. I wonder how some people deal with the hot weather. Richie and I bought this big industrial fan a few months back but the air stirred by the fan doesn’t dodge the heat, the heat joins it. Of course it’s better than our old electric fan that had to retire because the blades don’t turn anymore unless you poke them with your finger. Which is too dangerous and tiring for the poker.
Summer seems to be getting hotter every year. Or is it just me and my already long hair? It was last year – a day before my birthday - when I had my hair shaved off. I was too scared as I feel the electric shaver wheezing on my head and see the locks falling on the floor (somehow, I feel the littlest speck of how death convicts must have felt prior to the plunge). But after my head had been cleared, I feel that I conquered something – a fear or an expectation, perhaps.
I remember how some people would suggest that I wear earrings, skirt, and anything that would still signify some traces of feminity. I say what’s the point – deal with the shaved head or don’t look at me.
Well, I guess summer’s the time when the sky’s all clear and shaved up. So, it's either we deal with the heat or don't finish our bath.
eyed at 9:48 PM
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